Today’s Share the Wealth Award
Last year I conceived the idea of handing out the “Share the Wealth Award” for men who are lacking manliness and all-around testicular fortitude. It’s to be handed out whenever necessary and was inspired by a story about an Indian businessman who was born with not one but two penises. His fiancée didn’t like the idea of having two phalluses at her disposal, so she ordered him to have the extra one surgically removed.
...Today’s Share the Wealth Award goes to Roy Pearson, a Washington, D.C. judge who is suing a dry-cleaning establishment for $67 million after they lost his trousers. The pants are said to be worth $800, but his “mental suffering, inconvenience and discomfort” are worth much more.
...Pearson was actually offered $12,000 as compensation by the owners of the dry-cleaning shop, but he wanted more after calculating that his pain and suffering should be multiplied per day—$1,500 per day to be exact. It breaks down into $500,000 for emotional damages, $542,500 for legal fees (although Pearson is representing himself in court), and $15,000 for 10 years’ worth of weekend car rentals.
...Yes, Pearson wants the dry-cleaners to pay for his weekend car rentals, too.
...Pearson also tried to persuade other customers and even his neighbors into joining him in a class-action suit against the dry-cleaners, but it wasn’t allowed. Oh, and did I mention that the pants were eventually found? Yes, Pearson is suing for $67 million over a pair of lost pants that aren’t even lost.
...Thus, Judge Roy Pearson is today’s recipient of the Share the Wealth Award, because it’s quite obvious that he’s in desperate need of some manhood.
References
▪ ABC News
...Today’s Share the Wealth Award goes to Roy Pearson, a Washington, D.C. judge who is suing a dry-cleaning establishment for $67 million after they lost his trousers. The pants are said to be worth $800, but his “mental suffering, inconvenience and discomfort” are worth much more.
...Pearson was actually offered $12,000 as compensation by the owners of the dry-cleaning shop, but he wanted more after calculating that his pain and suffering should be multiplied per day—$1,500 per day to be exact. It breaks down into $500,000 for emotional damages, $542,500 for legal fees (although Pearson is representing himself in court), and $15,000 for 10 years’ worth of weekend car rentals.
...Yes, Pearson wants the dry-cleaners to pay for his weekend car rentals, too.
...Pearson also tried to persuade other customers and even his neighbors into joining him in a class-action suit against the dry-cleaners, but it wasn’t allowed. Oh, and did I mention that the pants were eventually found? Yes, Pearson is suing for $67 million over a pair of lost pants that aren’t even lost.
...Thus, Judge Roy Pearson is today’s recipient of the Share the Wealth Award, because it’s quite obvious that he’s in desperate need of some manhood.
References
▪ ABC News
